Clair de Lune
By Sabrina Jean Louis
Thoughts of an Unborn Child
Poem by Vision | Music: Goldberg Meditation, by Hirono Borter
Transformation Is Calling
Written with Marie Jones
My parents were from Mississippi
They came up during the great migration
In search of economic dignity
And community to help them thrive
They did not ever find that
Transformation is calling
I had a miscarriage
There was no heartbeat
I had to deliver the baby
Just kept crying and crying
Out of body, watching myself
Transformation is calling
I felt well enough to work again
I wanted to do something different
Ended up in maternal and child health
A space I was called to
One where I’m not just working
Transformation is calling
Went on a home visit in the Hough
Little cul-de-sac in a wooded area
No street, children playing in the dirt
One house did not have a door
Such palpable isolation
Transformation is calling
My husband and I wanted to be parents
And create a space for life to thrive
It is a journey
The opportunity to change a life
Is a powerful thing
Transformation is calling
So Beautiful
Poetry by Vision | Music: Saturn, by Sleeping at Last
Expectations
Written with Tim Pope
She was a micro preemie, twenty-three weeks
I thought we’d be in the hospital for two weeks
But watched our baby grow in a box for four months
I'm a dad, got this whole human being right here
And it's a beautiful process
But we knew what the expectations could be.
Black women aren’t treated fairly in hospitals.
That wasn’t gonna happen to my wife
I learned how to advocate for them
Be a voice of what we did and didn’t want.
No stones left unturned when it came to their health
We knew what the expectations could be.
There was nothing for dads, no one to talk to
Who was my advocate?
Dads have to have this facade.
They say you shouldn’t talk about it
They say you shouldn’t cry.
We knew what the expectations could be.
I can tell you things ‘bout being a black man
Not all have your best interests in mind,
No matter your education or background.
Set your bar high for success
I expect nothing less than what you’d do for someone else
We knew what the expectations could be.
Oh Black Woman
Written with Brittany Pope
Didn’t plan to birth this baby at twenty three weeks.
I believe Imani is gonna live.
The doctor starts snapping at me.
If you are gonna treat me like that
You’ll treat my baby like that.
I need you to know her name, it means faith.
Oh black woman, your body is a walking risk.
Day three, nurse tried to give me birth control
She lied about what the shot was
It will stop your milk right away
Micro preemies have to have real milk, no formula
Why would you give me something
That would kill my baby?
Oh black woman, your body is a walking risk.
The nurse says, “You should get your education
Before you have a second baby
Out of wedlock as a teenage mom.” But I’m married,
Twenty five, and I have two health degrees.
But would I deserve it if not?
I can’t take off my ring.
Oh black woman, your body is a walking risk.
Twenty hours a day I watched her through a box.
I see somebody's arms in her crib.
You don’t have on a gown or gloves or mask
You just changed her diaper
And now you’re gonna touch her feeding tube?
Yet you say I’m hyper vigilant
Oh black woman, is your body such a walking risk?
Two years later, work is still wild and hostile.
We thought we were gonna lose Alyse.
I told the doctors my story. They listened.
Remember when you spoke up for Imani?
You have now spoken up for Alyse.
My body did not fail my children
Oh black woman, your body is not a walking risk.
Order Out Of Chaos
Written with Te’Sheba Oliver
The Clinic calls too soon
“Are you still coming in?
Your scheduled induction is today.”
“What are you talking about?
That’s not what my Doc said.”
I take a couple breaths
I felt anxiety, like there was no order to it
My soul was at a place of chaos.
Feels like my water breaking
The nurse hits a panic button.
Suddenly there’s fifteen of us
We can’t find any heartbeat for baby Basil
All chaos but then
It was dead silent for what felt like forever
My soul was at a place of chaos.
I'm having a placental abruption
I’m also bleeding out
The doctors say the baby’s breathing
They have to get me to surgery immediately
Red lights still going off
I feel like I’m going into a panic attack
My soul was at a place of chaos.
They roll me into this room
It’s very stark, all white
We go from fifteen to thirty people
My baby is gonna die, I'm gonna die,
God whispering to me
“Are you gonna go into fear or into faith?”
My soul was at a place of chaos.
God was ordering so much in that moment
Protection and care.
So can I really be that angry?
So baby Basil arrives
They grab him, he looks fine
But I'm still bleeding out.
For me, in that space time was non-existent
My tears are running
They sewed me up, my baby’s here and I am here
Our God makes order out of chaos.
24 Negro Melodies, Op. 59
No. 22 - Sometimes I Feel Like a Motherless Child | by Samuel Coleridge-Taylor
No One’s Ever Heard
Written with Colleen Schroeder
New years eve, an intended home birth,
She’s almost forty three weeks, so we go in.
Doctor said “You don’t follow the curve
This baby is big, it will get stuck and you will bleed
This leads to mortality for you people.”
The doctor was pushing the blame
Pushing blame back to the mom,
Using fear to push for a C-section.
“This is your fault not our fault.”
The dead baby card is used as a game.
No one’s ever heard
That’s the biggest thing in our system
What you look like can change your care
Black moms are dismissed
Sitting there with mom, dad, and grandmas
Six hundred births as a midwife, no deaths.
I say, “This baby is large, but you can do this,
Unless you tell me otherwise.”
Four hours, two pushes, no tears, she birthed that baby
She would’ve been coerced into surgery
They could have caused physical harm
Emotional toll, distrust for providers.
If infection came she wouldn’t go in again
Efficiency is becoming inefficient.
So Much Death and Life
Written with Marlene Morris
I had a near death experience
Lupus attacked my kidney, heart, lungs, brain
Hospitalized for nine weeks
But divine intervention caused rebirth
So much death and life comes with that.
So much death and life comes with that.
I needed to find purpose again.
Thought I’d find it in a prayer community
But I found racist hearts there instead
And that shook me to my core
So much death and life comes with that.
So much death and life comes with that.
Racial mistreatment in so many systems,
Medical trauma, unfilled promises
Made me realize we’re not just spiritual beings.
It almost depleted my faith
So much death and life comes with that.
So much death and life comes with that.
Disability led me to empower
And the door flew open for birth work.
I was empowered by the sisterhood
Of Birthing Beautiful Communities
So much death and life comes with that.
So much death and life comes with that.
Feels like I'm fighting for every black mother.
Why is she afraid to touch me?
Why won’t they help me? Am I not human?
Do they not see do they not see
Do they not see their mother, sister, daughter in me?
I started a black birth collective
Building the family structure again.
Pushing women to embrace their bodies
And the power God created within
So much death and life comes with that.
So much death and life comes with that.
We’re now reconnecting back to our roots
Connecting black women to Africa
It brings purpose, healing of identity,
Restoration of traditions
So much death and life comes with that.
So much death and life comes with that.
Visit the Documentary Songwriting website to learn more about Renovare Music’s approach to collaborative songwriting.
We are grateful to the panelists and songwriters involved in today’s event. To learn more and get involved, visit the following websites:
Additional local organizations working to support Black moms and babies include:
Our Wellness Network/PAIL (Perinatal and Infant Loss)
Moms and Babies First - Northeast Ohio Neighborhood Health Services